Ichiraku brothers
by Anticsareme
Summary: AU. Teuchi wants to protect Naruto. So he calls on his apprentice. Who is he? How does he know Teuchi and Ayame? Will he protect Naruto? What will become of the hyper-active blond ninja jinchuriki that many shinobi of leaf fear? And what's with his personality? Is it his amnesia? What else is wrong with this man? Read on and discover for yourself with the Ichiraku brothers.
1. Chapter 1

"Father? What's going on?"

"It's… it's nothing I want you to worry about Ayame."

"Father… is that… is that Naruto?"

She gasped in horror as her father turned, looking at their favorite costumer in her father's arm lying limp like a rag doll, his head lolled to the side. She was used to seeing him with a scrap here and there being a boy, but the thirteen year old girl had never seen the small five year old like this.

"It is," he nodded gravely, placing the boy on the couch.

"What happened?" she asked with tears pooled in her eyes. He gave her a sad smile.

"Something I fear we could have prevented. But we need to move past that."

"Dad…"

"Ayame, you remember my old student? The boy who I taught how to cook when you were younger?" he asked surprising his daughter.

"Yes… but what does that have to do with anything?" she asked.

"I have asked him to take Naruto with him on his travels."

"Father!"

"I know Ayame. But this village isn't exactly the safest for him," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked. He gave another sad smile.

"I'm not at liberty to tell you Ayame. It's the law," he said. Before Ayame could retort there was a hollow knock on the door. Teuchi walked over and opened it slowly to see a man he recognized rather easily.

"Come on in," he said letting the man in quickly. He was a peculiar fellow by anyone's standards. He wore a bright orange bomber jacket and dark blue pants. He had messy black hair that stuck out in every direction. But what really stood out were his goggles. They were larger than the typical Aburame goggles and had dual colored lenses. One was a light orange that was over one eye that wouldn't open, or rather, didn't exist, and the other was a darker red color that was over his normal eye. The right side of his face had scars from a long ago injury. Yet an unbelievably bright smile came to his face and his very presence seemed to bring in a bit of joy to the room.

"Teuchi Ojii-san!" he said in a loud yet high pitched voice. Ayame was surprised how young he sounded despite knowing him since she was a young girl, "How are you?"

"I am alright. But my friend… he is not," he said gesturing to the couch where Naruto lay. The dark haired man frowned seeming to take away all the joy he had brought in. He walked over to the child and crouched down to see Naruto up close. He lazily stroked hair out of his closed eyes as if it were his own brother. He noticed the blood that stained his clothes and matting up his hair. His brows furrowed as he also saw various colors of bruises littering his arms.

"What happened?" he questioned darkly. A seemingly rare occurrence from the recently joyous man.

"He was attacked. This village is no longer safe for him. Would you be willing to take him with you when you leave?" Teuchi asked. The dark haired man's face lit up, his smile returning at the prospect of someone accompanying him.

"Really? But this kid… isn't he your best customer?" he asked. Teuchi nodded.

"He's like my own flesh and blood. Like you," he said, "So can you take care of him outside the village?"

The dark haired man smiled, "Just make sure that no one freaks out when he's gone."

With that he opened his jacket and pulled the small boy inside it, still carrying him in his arms. He noticed Ayame's tears and patted her head, moving Naruto in one arm.

"Don't worry. Otouto will be fine. Ayame, don't you want to say bye?" he asked her. Small pools of tears gathered in her eyes began to spill out.

"Be safe Naruto," she said stroking hair out of his eyes, "And you Aniki," she said sniffling in a scolding tone, "you better take good care of him."

"Maa, maa! I'll take care of the little fishcake imouto. And when we return, he'll be making you two a bowl of ramen!" he laughed running out the door to his oddly decorated wooden cart. He placed Naruto on a futon inside and began pulling the wooden home behind him. If he was hurt from a place he had called home then moving out as soon as possible would be the best option.

"Maa, little fishcake, you will see the world and become better than any of the trash here," he said with a smile as he left the village. A cold bitter wind danced into the streets of the city as they left. His smile grew as he began moving faster knowing every step he took would lead to a better life for his newly acquired brother.

-.-

A lone ANBU stood on top of a large apartment scanning for someone. A particular someone who had somehow slipped away from him. The ANBU's mask was that of a wolf, something that suited him just fine. A dark menacing aura emanated off his person as he stood growing tenser realizing that the one he was looking for was not in the vicinity he thought he was. And the strange cold wind wasn't comforting either during what should be the heat of summer.

He shunshined to another location in the city and began running, searching for the boy he had been told to watch. The one he had promised to protect with his life. The one who was now missing.

He mentally cursed as he went all over the village not finding one trace of the little boy. The sun began to rise as he stopped at the ramen shop to see if he had gone there. The boy had an unhealthy love of the noodles just like his father had along with his mother's unbelievable appetite.

"Ah, Wolf was it?" he heard the owner say. He turned his head slightly to acknowledge the man.

"Ah, you wouldn't have happened to see Naruto this morning have you? He seems to be getting rather good at hide and seek," he said nonchalantly. He noticed the man tense ever so slightly.

"Haven't seen him since last night," he answered truthfully.

"Really now?" Wolf asked getting ready to take him in for questioning.

"Dad, Aniki and otouto sent us a letter," Ayame said walking over.

"You have sons?" asked Wolf suspiciously.

"Adopted. My eldest decided to take my youngest on a gourmet tour of the world. He was in Konoha yesterday. I went to meet him right after work. Naruto ran off toward home," he said confidently. It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the whole truth either.

"Your sons' names are…?"

"Obito and Naru Ichiraku," he said simply. Wolf's heart stopped for a second. Maybe he was looking to into this. Obito was a common enough name as was Naru. Perhaps Naruto was elsewhere in the village.

He really did not want to meet this Obito. He did not want to see the blood.

-.-

"Hn…?" Naruto groaned as he rolled onto his side. His body felt sore and kind of achy, like when he accidently fell asleep on the floor. He heard what sounded like wooden wheels turning. Thinking it was a dream he kept his eyes closed until the ground beneath him shook. He sat up wide awake to notice he was in a wooden room. Like a cart. Things shook once in a while, and bounced when they hit a bump, "WHOA!"

The cart stopped. Naruto heard the scuffle of feet on dirt for a moment before a curtain in front of him opened letting in light and silhouetting the person looking in. Naruto covered his eyes to try and keep some of the blinding morning light out of them when he heard a warm laugh. One that reminded him of the ramen man.

"I see you're awake," the man said. Naruto squinted his eyes as the man jumped in, the curtain falling behind him making it darker in the room but nod blinding Naruto anymore. Naruto blinked at the smiling man.

"Uh… who are you?" he asked scooting back away from the man. The man's smile fell a little.

"Jeez you really haven't had it easy have you? Well that's all going to change. My name is Obito Ichiraku. And I'm your new Aniki Naru."

**Possibly. Possibly. I don't know. Maybe good. Maybe crap. I don't know. Meh. Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

Twelve years after the fox attack in Konoha.

"-And from the snowy northern ridge~  
There be a pretty lady a-waitin'  
For me there!"

"-tteybayo Aniki. Why do you always sing?"

"Ah Naru, there has to be some constants in our lives," smiled the older.

"Like your damn eyes?" the younger asked. The older smacked him in the head.

"Can't help _that_. Tsunade-sannin couldn't do anything else. And you were the donor so my messed up eyes are partially your fault." The elder said pointing at his eyes whose color was hidden behind two pieces of different color glass, red and orange. His hair, long and shaggy black. He wore black pants, a white shirt and a black jacket. Around his waist was an apron.

"I can't help my eye color. Blame my parents!" the younger grumbled. He had slightly shorter hair equally messy but instead of black it was a bright sunny blond. His eyes were two bright blue orbs that matched the sky. He was dressed in the same clothes as the older except he wore a white bandana in his hair and a bright obscenely orange scarf that covered his neck to his nose. His skin was tanner than his elder who stayed fairly pale.

"Fine! Oh dear parents of Naru-Naru! I curse thee genetics who have given my otouto baby blue eyes!" he declared at the top of his lungs making birds fly away at his declaration. Naruto sighed and smacked the elder outside the head before starting to pull the cart behind him. The elder skipped merrily up to him.

"That wasn't very nice Naru," he said very quietly in a voice that would make girl's go wild. Naruto scoffed.

"I don't remember anyone accusing me of being nice."

"Well if you really don't remember… there was that old man in Iwa, that family in Kira that consisted of one mother, one father, one cat, three dogs, three sisters, two brothers and a partridge in a pear tree. Then there was that boy in Suna with the red hair and love on his forehead…"

"Ma! Okay I get it!" Naruto yelled making the other laugh.

"As long as you do. C'mon. We're gonna see Ojiisan today," he said with a smile. Naruto gave him a look that held confusion and a slight trace of fear.

"That means we're… we're going to Konoha."

Obito frowned. He wrapped his arm around Naruto pulling him into a one armed hug.

"That was then… this is now," he sang softly, "You're stronger now, than ever before. You'll fly high, and out of trouble. You're more than a bird, you'll soar higher. Day or night. Sun, snow and rain. Peace or war. There you'll be. Safe with me. Out of harm in your own little dance. Fear not fear not, for you will not be hurt again."

Naruto looked up at Obito and hit him hard.

"What was that for?!" he yelled. Naruto smirked.

"I have never pranked Konoha before," he said pulling out a bingo book, "Wonder who I'll hit up while we're there…"

"You and that bingo book. I knew we shouldn't have let that Momochi guy pay with a bingo book."

"Wasn't his name Zabuza? And his student was that guy you thought was a girl and tried flirting with?"

"Yeah… that guy," Obito sighed.

"C'mon it's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Ever since you got the damn thing you've been asking shinobi for autographs if they're in there!"

"Not like they can fight. I mean, there are enough seals that we're not gonna get hurt," he said placing his hand on the cart where what looked like a poster was located.

"… and I knew I shouldn't have let that guy pay with a fuinjustu scroll," he moaned.

"It was your idea to have alternate payment plans," Naruto stated.

"I know."

Obito lifted his head and jumped on top of the cart. He peered off behind them and smiled.

"Ya-ta! Customers! Naru! Prepare the pans and start boiling water!" he declared jumping down. Naruto gave him a look.

"And how do you know that they're customers."

"Fu fu fu-" he laughed, "Otouto, when you are as good a salesman as myself, you can always tell a potential customer."

"Really? Because the last eight customers _I_ brought in. Not you."

"I softened them up!" he said puffing his cheeks out, "Now do as I say and not as I do!"

With that he began running in the direction of their "potential" customers.

Ten minutes later.

"Aniki I'm sure that's considered kidnapping," Naruto said as a giant sweat drop formed when he saw his brother carrying a sickly pale boy no older than he was being placed in one of the chairs Naruto had pulled out.

"It's not kidnapping. It's a sales pitch!"

Naruto raised a brow curiously.

"Alright it's gennin-napping. Happy?"

"He's a ninja?"

"Hai. I am a gennin of Konoha," he said simply with a smile that sent shivers down Naruto's spine. Obito didn't notice.

"Oh joy! We're on our way to Konoha right now. You should come with us!"

"That is fine and all… but your cart is facing the wrong way."

"Told you," Naruto growled turning the cart around. Obito looked at him indecorously.

"You did not!" he said with his voice going higher in the complaint.

"Hn."

"NO!"

"I am confused," the gennin said.

"You are not to say that accursed one syllable sound young man!" Obito cried out making Naruto look at him like he was crazy.

"I did not!" he said in the same way Obito had earlier said to him.

"Sai. What is going on?" asked a new voice that was more mature and possibly older than Obito. All three boys looked to see three people, a man whose face was mostly hidden with odd silver hair that seemed to defy gravity, a girl with long bubble gum pink hair and a red dress who was sticking like glue to a boy with black hair and black eyes whose hair reminded Naruto of a duck's ass. Naruto knew ducks well after he helped an old man get his ducks back (and with that Obito kept singing a song about a mother duck and her ducklings).

Naruto looked at the boy for a moment. His eyes widened slightly and he looked at the "customer" (who was now identified as Sai) and Obito. He then looked back at Sasuke.

"I am not sure," Sai said as Naruto kept looking back between Sasuke, Obito and Sai, "As I am sure you all saw, this man," he said pointing at Obito, "Just said lunch time and grabbed me. Next thing I know I am here with his friend as they argue."

The group of travelers looked at Obito who only gave then his trademark grin, "What? It's lunch time and even shinobi get hungry. You're still human after all. And even if you weren't animals and plants gotta eat too. But I don't know if a plant would appreciate our ramen and dango… and animals typically aren't good at holding a conversation… so people are the best to serve."

"Aniki. You got off topic. _Again_," Naruto complained. Obito looked at him from behind his goggles.

"Did I?" he asked. Naruto nodded as he walked back to the cart and began rummaging for something. Obito shrugged his shoulders, "Well since you are here why not have lunch?"

"We have no money," the silver haired man said quickly. Obito shrugged his shoulders.

"Alternative method. We give you a meal, you escort us the rest of the way to Konoha. We're going there to see Ojiisan anyway and given you are leaf shinobi most likely heading home we'll probably be near one another so it's more efficient this way."

With that he heard the clanging of bowls as Naruto walked out with Dango.

"What?" he asked Obito, "It's your job to make the ramen."

Obito smacked his head.

"Duh!" he said darting into the cart as quick as any shinobi Kakashi had seen.

"So you are from the leaf?" he asked. Naruto looked at Kakashi and pulled out his little black book.

"And you are… WOW! You're Kakashi Hatake! The Copy Ninja!" Naruto yelled. He placed the book in Kakashi's hand with a pen, "You've got to sign."

Everyone looked at Naruto like he was crazy. Naruto smiled when Kakashi actually did sign the book instead of throw it somewhere like he planned.

"Wow. Thanks. Normally I have to do some serious bribery or threatening to get people to sign this," he said in a calmer tone.

"Others?" Kakashi asked. Naruto looked at him and pocketed the book. He then passed around Dango for the team. Naruto didn't answer as they took the dango. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked not taking a bite of the dango.

"Oh. Naru. Naru Ichiraku," he said. Kakashi's one eye widened slightly. Naru. Not Naruto. He hadn't seen him in seven years. But what was the likelihood that Naruto Uzumaki was even alive after seven years? Damn his paranoia. It was almost as bad as swearing he saw Obito on various missions outside of Konoha in stores, laughing, and living. But that was not possible as Obito was dead.

Meanwhile Naruto turned to take them empty tray of dango back to the cart. Naru. Only his family called him Naruto because they wouldn't _endlessly_ mock him for being named after a ramen topping and then being adopted into a family that had a living off of making ramen in which he loved to eat but was not all that good at making himself. They would call him their little storm since it always looked like a storm came through after he ate his fill of ramen.

"Ramen up!" Obito cried carrying bowls of ramen. One bowl in each hand, one on each shoulder and one on his head. He delivered the famously large bowls to their "customers" and gave one to Naruto who gave him a look. Obito smiled pulling down his scarf in a way that no one could see his face and pinched his cheeks.

"You got to eat up to and become big and strong!" he cooed with Naruto holding the bowl in his hand. He tried to bite him, but his back was turned to the team so they could not see his face. Obito held up his hands in defeat as Naruto inhaled the ramen at a speed Kakashi was even impressed with and pulled his scarf back over his nose. The eyes of Sasuke and Sakura twitched.

'_He's just like Kakashi,'_ they thought. They looked at their sensei and began twitching again realizing he had finished his meal.

"Well, it's not like Ichiraku's in Konoha but not bad. The dango was surprisingly decent," Kakashi stated. Naruto scoffed.

"Tell that to the crazy Konoha snake lady who keeps coming here."

"What? Oh! I know, the one who we called our frequent eater. Yeah, somehow we always seem to run into her," Obito commented, "What was her name. Aki? Aka? No… Wait Anko! Her name was Anko!"

"Yeah. She always seems to eat us out of our dango," Naruto muttered.

"She even stole my dango. It was horrible. I had to live on ramen for a week! How Naru-Naru can do it is beyond me," he complained. A few minutes later everyone declared themselves done except the dark haired boy who had been introduced as Sasuke who had merely said 'Hn.' Making life all the more difficult for Naruto as he had to stop his idiotic brother from his usual rant. He had a feeling that this guy would not stop saying 'hn' so better just to stop his brother and hurry along to Konoha.

-.-

"Oh! I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee~"

"Oh Kami make him shut up," Sakura muttered covering her ears.

"-won't my mommy be so proud of me!"

"It doesn't work that way-"

"I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee!"

"You should have never mentioned bees."

"Ow! It stung me!"

"Thank Kami it's over," Sasuke sighed.

"I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee!"

"No!"

"Won't my mommy be so proud of me!"

"Can't you do something Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm squishing up my baby bumblebee!"

"He's a client. So that would be a no."

"Ew… I'm licking up my baby bumblebee!"

"I told you not to talk unless to _avoid_ a subject-"

"Won't my mommy be so proud of me!"

"-otherwise Aniki finds a song."

"I'm licking up my baby bumblebee!"

"How do you stand this?" Sakura questioned.

"Ugh… I don't feel so good..."

"You get used to it. I guess it's good training for if I ever have a mother-in-law."

"I'm puking up my baby bumblebee!..."

-.-

"Wow! We were a lot closer to Konoha than I thought!" Obito said with a smile. The young team sighed with relief. No more crazy songs. Sasuke looked over at Naruto. He was a worthy rival if only to test limits of the mind.

"Yes. You weren't very far… what is on your cart?" Kakashi asked.

"Oh these?" Obito asked, "They're seals. Never know when you might get jumped when you're traveling!"

"Seals?"

"Uh huh! Naru-Naru is really good at making them. He practices a lot. So we have plenty for our supplies and protection… Oh crap!" he said pulling out a pocket watch, "WE'RE LATE!" he yelled grabbing Naruto and dragging him off in the direction of Konoha's famous ramen shop.

**Review. Please!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Ojii! We're home!" Obito sang jumping over the bar of the ramen stand and hugging Teuchi.

"Well, isn't this a nice surprise," he said with a laugh. Obito smiled back as Naruto walked around and in through the back door with Ayame.

"You should have told us you were coming home," Ayame grumbled. Obito's smile grew as he ruffled his imouto's head.

"Maa, maa! Then that would ruin the surprise from me and lil' Naru-Naru!" he declared with an impish grin wrapping his arm around Naruto's neck. Naruto rolled his eyes at Obito's antics as he slipped out of his hold.

"We're going to actually be here a while. Obito has some things to sell and knowing him, we'll be here a while trying to get the best price," Naruto explained, he then leaned in closer to Ayame, "So while he's doing that, we're gonna need to find his orange books and get them out of the cart."

"Hey! Those were the best form of payment we ever received! Better than the first book that guy wrote let me tell you," he declared. Naruto scoffed at the elder before walking to the counter to see if there were any potential customers. He frowned when he saw no one.

"So, the scarf's new," Teuchi said with a smile averting what would be a very awkward conversation. Naruto eye smiled at his pseudo father.

"Obito got it for me. Well actually he traded a bowl of ramen for it. It's nice and soft," he explained pulling it up a bit higher and inhaling deeply, "that and it smells like ramen."

This earned a laugh from Ayame and Teuchi as Obito's ears turned red. Obito then pouted looking like he was the youngest of the group.

"Naru-Naru wouldn't stop talking about it. He really wanted something to cover his whiskers because apparently they're embarrassing and a mask makes you look like a ninja which," he said pulling Naruto close to him yet again, "I don't want him to be. For a ninja's life is dangerous beyond belief and will scar little Naru-Naru."

"Like you would know," Naruto grumbled.

"Maybe... I mean Teuchi Ojiisan found me on the road with nothing but my pants and my name. And before that all I remember is some ninjas helping me out from under a rock and then robbing me. Boy was that weird. So yes. Maybe I do know. Maybe I was a ninja! Maybe my name isn't Obito at all but really Iruka! And perhaps my last name is not Ichiraku like you all have let me have but maybe Hatake!"

"That's nice Obito," Naruto stated sarcastically when a familiar gust of wind passed them. Naruto put on a straight face when a familiar person was seated at Ichiraku's ramen.

"Well if isn't dango boy and his ramen brother," she said with a smirk. Naruto smiled back.

"You know us, we have broth in our blood. Can I take your order?"

"Eight plates of dango. Now."

"This is a ramen stand," Obito said. Teuchi smiled. Oh this was going to be fun.

"And he's a dango boy," she growled pointing at Naruto, "And I want goddamn dango!"

"This is ramen!"

"This is treason!"

"This is food!"

"This is Konoha!"

"Does Obito Aniki always do this?" Ayame asked. Naruto shrugged his shoulders.

"Only when she's involved. Last time she ate our food we were out of dango for a week. Obito was crying about how much ramen he had to eat. I really don't see what he was complaining about. Ramen's delicious."

"THIS IS MADNESS!"

"THIS IS SPARTA!"

Naruto sighed and disappeared for a moment only to appear with his brother's secret stash of dango.

"Here."

"NO! Otouto! My own flesh and blood! You have forsaken me!"

"What are you talking about? I'm adopted."

Obito stopped his rampage for a moment.

"This is true."

"So gaki, what's up?" she asked enjoying her dango.

"Aniki has learned to create mist."

"Really? I didn't think to noodle heads like yourselves could mold your chakra."

"Well, Aniki has no memories so he could've been a shinobi somewhere. That would explain the few fire techniques he can do well. But he's primarily a water element according to this one guy who ate with us. And apparently I'm wind nature but not to shabby with water. Aniki though is much better. He picks up on water techniques than a fish can swim," Naruto stated.

"That is the," Obito began sniffing with large tears poring out of his eyes, "The nicest thing I have heard you say since you first called me Aniki."

Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Naru-Naru's not shabby either. In fact he came up with his own technique!"

Anko raised a brow and a sadistic smile came to her face making Naruto shiver.

"As if gaki could come up with a technique," she mocked. Obito puffed out his cheeks.

"Oh yeah? He does Bubble style."

Ayame and Teuchi smiled as Anko fell off her stool in disbelief.

"Bubbles? You two are idiots."

"Solely reserved for Aniki," Naruto quickly stated. Obito looked at Naruto in disbelief.

"Don't put me in the Inuzuka house!"

"The what?"

"Kid, if Tsume heard you you'd be dead," Anko said with a laugh. Obito furrowed his brows.

"What did I say?"

"Inuzuka house instead of dog house."

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Whose Inuzuka?" he asked innocently making Anko fall again out of her stool and Ayame and Teuchi to join her on the ground. Naruto shared his brother's confused look, "What?"

"You don't know..."

"Yeah. Who are they?" Obito asked childishly. Anko sat up and glared.

"They are the main dog users of our village. They train many ninken," she said seriously. Obito cocked his head to the side.

"Never heard of em!"

-.-

"Kakashi sensei why are we going to Ichiraku's?" Sakura asked trailing Sasuke who was next to Sai.

"Any shinobi must make sure their client reaches their destination," he said simply. It was then an explosion could be heard. Being a jonin, Kakashi ran at full speed leaving the gennin behind. Sasuke and Sai darted after him with Sakura trying to catch up to Sasuke.

Kakashi stopped once he came to Ichiraku's ramen which oddly looked like it had just seen battle with Anko. She was smiling in a pile of rubble before standing up.

"Not bad gaki I'll give you that."

"Not bad? You're a jonin and you were blown off your feet!" Obito yelled at her. The glass of his goggles were smashed. He slid them off his eyes to avoid getting glass in them. Kakashi was surprised to see that his left eye had a scar over it. Similar to his own with the sharingan. His eyes opened to glare at Anko. The eye with the scar was a cerulean blue similar to Naru's and the other was black.

"Didn't expect that you little whiner," she said. Obito frowned.

"Crazy ass snake lady," he said crossing his arms.

"Anko. Why did you attack a ramen salesman?" Kakashi asked as Sasuke and Sai showed.

"Ch. Ramen boy here said that he could take me on. So I showed him otherwise," she said. Obito was about to respond when part of Ichiraku's was thrown off letting Ayame and Teuchi out with a very tired and angry looking Naruto, who was missing his scarf. Kakashi froze seeing three whisker marks on each cheek.

"You idiots!" he yelled running over to Obito and hitting him outside the head, "You broke the ramen shop Dattebayo!"

"Ma! Ma! Calm down Naru!"

"Naruto Uzumaki," Kakshi said aloud making both the boys stop and look at him.

"Eh? Kakashi? What are you talking about? Uzumaki died seven years ago."

"That's the story," Kakashi said with no emotion as Sakura showed.

"Sasuke~!"

"Not now," he growled telling her clearly to shut up. Kakashi began walking up to Naruto when Obito stood between them. Kakashi glared.

"Move aside. This is Leaf Village business."

"You leave. This is family business," he said in an oddly foreign dark voice. He blinked once. Kakashi just continued on.

"Naruto, you need to see Lord Hokage. You have been missing for seven years."

Naruto froze. He did not want to have to leave his family. Hell with what was going on they might be sent to jail and tortured for treason. He saw Obito tense up.

"I maybe trash for breaking the rules, but I'd rather be that than the scum that let's their family suffer," he said blinking again, his black eye turning into a very familiar red with two tomoe looking back at Kakashi.

"An Uchiha!" Sasuke cried out not believing his eyes. Obito payed no mind to him. Ayame looked at Obito from near the broken ramen shop.

"Dad... Obito has-"

"Damn the devil's eye is back isn't it?" he asked covering the Sharingan eye with his hand.

"Obito," Kakashi said softly, "You're alive?"

**Well uh? Review please?**


	4. Chapter 4

Obito scowled as he kept Naruto behind him unaware of what the silver haired man had said.

"Naru, I want you to run. Take Ayame and Ojiisan with you and run," he said in a serious tone Naruto had only heard him use when they were attacked before they had placed seals on their cart, "Once you're safely away get out of the village. I'll join you as soon as I can."

Naruto gave his brother a look before hitting him outside the head.

"OW!"

"Look Aniki. I am not a little kid. I can handle myself," he said. Obito stood up about to yell at him when…

"AH! Kakashi! My eternal rival!"

Obito and Naruto stared at the man in green spandex with wide eyes.

"I wish to challenge you Kakashi. What will it be? 400 laps around Konoha backwards on our hands? Scaling the hokage mountain with no chakra and just our feet?"

"I've seen men without lips, trannies who are grannies, people with multiple limbs they don't need, animals that talk better than people, swords that eat, talking heads without bodies, a beating heart outside the body, snakes longer than a person is tall, and none of that is more horrifying than the thing I see before me," Obito said with wide eyes.

"I didn't know people wore green spandex like that."

"I didn't know they _made_ green spandex like that."

"I didn't know you could disrespect a forehead protector by wearing it as a belt."

"I didn't know they made orange leg warmers."

"Did he rob people of their eye brows?"

"That is a distinct possibility Naru."

"GAI SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"Oh my god he spawned!"

And with that Obito and Naruto fainted.

**My sick sense of humor.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Ugh… I feel like I got eaten by a snake… and then the snake blew up." He would know. It has happened before.

"Sh… he's coming around."

Obito slowly began opening his eyes seeing nothing but blurs of what he assumed to be people. But then again… waking up in strange locations for unknown reasons could mean that he was looking at trees, angry clouds or trolls. Many trolls.

He yawned and attempted to rub his eye when he realized both hands were bound to what seemed to be a chair. Now that he thought about it… he was sitting in a chair. His eyes popped open wide awake to see the pink haired girl who escorted him along with pale ass boy one and pale ass boy two, defy gravity hair man who tried to take Naruto from their family… and no sign of the green abomination thank Kami! Wait a minute…

"Holycrapwhatthehellisgoingon whereisNaru-NaruifyouhurthimIamsogoingto killyou-" he began screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Be quiet," Pale ass one with the duck ass hair complained.

"When a person is captured you are supposed to tell them they have the right to remain silent! No one said I had the right to remain silent!" he yelled making the chair jump with his violent movements until it fell on its side, "Ow."

"No one ever asked you to talk Mr. Obito," the second pale ass kid said. Obito furrowed his brows before his chair was lifted upright. He tilted his head back to see who had lifted him. He had paled considerably and his left eye began twitching uncontrollably. Seeing a bowl cut, freakish eyebrows, a jonin vest and a whole lot of green spandex.

"Oh damn…," he muttered before he was hit by epiphany, "WHERE'S NARU-NARU?"

"Dattebayo, keep it down Aniki. Five more minutes," a voice next to Obito groaned. Obito's head turned at a speed that rivaled Gai in running to see Naruto sitting in a chair bound by his wrists and ankles in a simple wooden chair. His eyes were closed and from what Obito could tell… he thought that what had happened was a dream or didn't remember it and wouldn't remember until spandex covered green ass showed his face to Naruto. A horrified look of realization came to his face. He did not want his brother to see _that_.

"Uh sure…"

The people in the room gave him a look in which he just motioned with his head and eyes over to the spandex man behind them and threw a pleading look. He was crying buckets of tears. The man with the one eye rolled his eye slightly looking slightly bemused.

"Gai, I seem to have left my kunai at the ramen stand," he said.

"Ah! My youthful rival I shall retrieve it for you! If I cannot I will run 800 laps around Konoha backwards! Yosh!" he declared leaving with the slam of the door. Obito felt a sweat drop form and then heard a sigh.

"Well now," said a voice that sounded oddly familiar, "I see you have had Naruto with you."

Obito looked in front of him to notice a desk and an old man with an odd hat and white robe in front of him.

"I have had my brother with me," he said not admitting to anything.

"Yes I see that," the man chuckled throwing Obito off, "I am glad that he has a family."

This statement confused everyone in the room.

"Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked.

"And I have also heard that you have sharingan?"

Obito gave a blank look.

"What's a sharingan?" he asked blinking his dual colored eyes innocently. Sasuke felt the urge to smack this man who had obviously never heard of the Uchiha clan or their kekkai genki.

"The kekkai genki of the Uchiha clan-"

"Oh! You mean like Itachi fellow who came by our stand all drunk 'n stuff a few weeks ago!"

A sickening crack could be heard across the room.

"Where did you see him?" pale ass boy one growled. Obito's eyes rolled to the back of his head.

"Dunno know. Weird fellow let me tell you. Said that one day his family's gonna have a _real_ good name to it. And it'll be better than ever. Just as soon as his prissy brother grows a pair!"

Pale boy's face then turned to one of confusion.

"Yeah, man was _real_ fun to talk to when he was hammered," Obito said with a grin.

"You're off topic Aniki."

Everyone turned to see Naruto had woken up except Obito who had a blank face.

"Woke up to hear that huh?"

"Was awake when you had your little spaz attack not knowing where I was."

"You little faker."

"Taught by the best."

"Aw. I knew you loved me."

"That Shikaku Nara really can fool anyone."

"WHAT THE?! YOU LEARNED FROM THAT LAZY ASS?!"

Naruto scoffed, "I learn from _everyone_ Aniki."

"When we get out of here, you, me, and someplace where no one will hear you scream."

"I am not learning that."

"C'mon! It'll be fun!"

Everyone watched as the two boys bantered forgetting anyone else was in the room.

"I don't want to learn about your stupid word porn!"

"But Jiraiya is a strong person!" Obito whined. A cough from the Hokage got the boys to be quiet.

"Well now you two," he said. Naruto's eyes widened slightly.

"Jiji?" he asked. The Hokage laughed.

"Yes and how are you Naruto?"

"Fine. Confused out of my mind and hopeful that nothing bad will happen but fine."

"Nothing bad will happen Naruto."

"Um…," he said looking at the restraints.

"Precaution."

"Ah."

**And well. This is all it really it is. Please review.**


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